Please excuse the title; I realize itӳ a bit early in the year for this kind of vulgar vitriol. But what am I,if not obscene.

I was watching the Ԕoday ShowԠthis morning, as I am wont to do. I know itӳ the epitome of all that is bourgeois in American society, but it often amuses me, and I like to keep up with the missing white girls. Anyhoo, as a regular viewer of this paltry excuse for a news program, IӶe begun to notice a pattern.

Katie Couric is evil personified. Wait, thereӳ more. Katie Couric is a succubus in soccer-mom clothing. Katie Couric is the seventh sign of the Apocalypse.

Now, I realize that many would argue that impartiality in news is almost impossible, as every living, breathing human being holds a distinct opinion on a variety of topics ֠even those lifeless talking heads, a.k.a. news anchors. But Katie Couric is so transparent that sheӳ hardly tolerable. She makes Matt Lauer look like Jesus Christ, and thatӳ saying a whole hell of a lot.

How do I hate Katie, let me count the ways. 1. She invariably makes every instance of meaningless banter about her, as though I really care to hear her ill-formed opinion on whatever piece of throwaway pop culture she consumed that day. 2. She makes no attempt to conceal the fact that she is in favor of Republican/conservative/whatever-weӲe-calling-the-enemy-this-week ideals. Of course, thatӳ her prerogative. But I am so tired of seeing this mental lightweight attempting to intellectually spar with people who did more in college than just chase basketball players and drink their weight in peach Schnapps. 3. She religiously makes awkward sexual gestures to anything with a third leg. Somebody lay this skag already! 4. I have seen the inside of her colon.

I have seen many disturbing things in my short life, but never have I seen anything as ghastly as Katie Couricӳ lower bowel. What would posses a woman to broadcast the inside of her colon to millions of viewers across America? I realize it was under the guise of educating the public, but couldnӴ she have just given a speech, or something? Donated some money? Was it necessary that the viewers be subjected to such a sight over breakfast?

IӶe heard rumblings that K.C. is being considered for a bona-fide, prime-time, news-anchor job on another station. To the bigwigs at CBS, I implore you, if you have any respect for modern journalism at all, please, re-think this decision. Cute just doesnӴ cut it for journalism. If K.C. intends to coast through life on cuteness, she should have been a cheerleader or a stewardess, not the filter through which my cherry-picked ԮewsԠspews forth.